ooohh,its' rainbow fish!! ;x

Not complaints, just stressed

I had this very sad feeling after browsing through some old photos. The only place where I really got to enjoy myself became a nightmare just a few weeks after I returned. That was probably the last time I will feel so carefree. All the uni and scholarship app seem like they never end. I am still in a dilemma over my second choice after so many days of research and running around the NLB. Out of pure confusion and desperation, I discussed it one last time with my parents and sent the application without a second look >.< blehh 1/6 done with just 5 more days left before I fly off.

I made up my mind about something last night and it got me sleepless for 3 hours. I didn't know it was that hard for me esp when I am supposed to be good at this. Haha maybe I've deceived myself again. I don't think anything is able to budge me.. and guess what I had a chance to testify it this morning. Well the results are positive! :)

With one of the big things down and a successful kickstart for another, I'm left with just army and the trip. Army enlistment date better be good.. or else I'm gonna be screwed with all the decision making once I come back >.<

One last wish for the trip to be enjoyable and tomorrow to be a good day!

A sorrow no one can understand nor share..

A new start

I'm finally ready to pen this down. A lvl results weren't that great, three As but my most confident subject had to be a B. The hardest part of all this is the 30 minutes that I had to endure while waiting to collect my results. Thoughts didn't just race through my mind.. they sprinted in and out of my brain! I saw sad faces and some really overjoyed ones. I told myself I must act cool about all this but somehow everyone around me felt the stress inside me. People came over to tell me to chill and friends tried to assure me I'll be okay. I thought about the horrors of a disappointed face on Mrs Leo's face and all the people asking me after that. I was the 2nd last in my class to take my results so you can imagine how disturbing it was to endure all that. As it was going to be my turn I prayed to god.. I didn't pray for a great cert. (strangely) but instead I wished he give me strength and courage to face whatever I get (be it Bs or Cs). Fair enough, I got a C and a B but I'm happy I managed to do well for the other three subjects.

I went to SMU to attend some business talk but it was hard for anyone to squeeze in so I walked around the uni fair asking about the different courses. Social science didn't sound as loser as I thought and business course is really cool. If I don't get into the course I want I may consider business :)

What's more intriguing is that I've taken up reading because of a chain of events. Reading was so distant for me but I guess its never too late to restart something good :) Now that so much has happened and I've already skipped work without a proper approval from the big shots I guess I'll finally make my exit by next week. I need time to sort out my thoughts and decide on what I want so working is definitely not going to help. Maybe I'll take up tuition to earn some good pocket money :D

A sorrow no one can understand nor share..

Injuries that led to a mistake and a wrong step

Siannnnn!! Bought a new pair of bball shoes and played my first game with that on.. but it sucked cause I realised I'm so out of touch ever since working!! Went jogging and injured my left thigh. Then because of the place where I injured it I did something really stupid! I shouldn't have rested at that place and I promise I'll never jog in that direction ever again. Not again.. I really don't like getting injured and I want to regain my fitness.

Okay time for bed.. gotta go for work tmr.

A sorrow no one can understand nor share..

confessions of a drunkard

So weird huh, I've got so much to say but I want to keep all my words a secret at the same time. As I am typing this I'm currently in a drunk state.. so I dun really know what I may type out. I'm in such a stupid state now cause I just (or you can say a few hours ago) made a very stupid decision. Didn't know I was like this.. totally loser if viewed from a third party.. I can't even do things that I want to do cause I took into consideration how many parties will be affected from my actions. In the end I chose to hurt myself and indeed I hurt myself so badly because of all this. I took all the suffering and I hope it didn't affect anyone at all. This must be some retribution so I'll just swallow it. I was glad some showed concern but it just reminds me of how stupid I was whenever I pretend and lie to them that I'm okay. Those two thought I was angry but actually I'm just sad cause I was making a decision.. A really tough one. In the end I chose to hurt myself and leave you two in confusion. . Whatever man.. who asked god to create me
as someone who likes to think too much (I'd rather be stupid). Oh and I don't like it when people say I look angry when I'm actually sad.

As I was left alone with only alcohol around, it just made my whole world crumbling down. I don't know why it was so strong this time. Maybe I was always soft on the inside and I used to keep bearing with everything by pretending. I don't think anyone know what I'm talking but this blog has become some place for me to write things that will make me feel better (I hope). I don't understand why those two like to do this when I've already made it very clear before. Guess their urge to watch a nice show managed to overpower their true self. Actually its not really their fault but who can I blame except myself for having no courage to declare what I really feel? In the process of trying to make everyone else feel good.. I "accidentally" hurt myself.

This post sounds so stupid that I feel like deleting it right away but I know I've got to post it cause this is the only way I can express how I felt tonight.. the night I lost control of my emotions.

A sorrow no one can understand nor share..

At least I don't get paid in green..

Working is really tiring.. even for a part timer. I didn't get any off day this week so I'm damn tired!! Plus, its not very nice to get some full timer to shout at you during work just cause you took his fries. At least I was nice enough to show him some concern when he was stressed 2 hours before he flared at me. He seemed like a nice guy and quiet but with him muttering around while doing his order its quite obvious he is on the verge of breaking down. He totally made a wrong move to shout at another hot tempered guy.. worst part is he kept shouting and complaining -.- making a mountain out of a mole hill. Cmon its just a portion of fries and I was nice enough to fry another portion for him. Well I gave me best shot controlling my temper.. he didn't even stop after I did all I could to make it up so he got a taste of my worst vice. Most people who really annoy me to that extent will stop if I shout back but he is a persistent one. Really really wanted to punch his face, stab him and do violence on him but it was this sudden thought (I must not lose control cause I'm already a grown up) that restrained me. It made me look silly just standing there keeping quiet. I totally hate myself cause on one side of the kitchen I've got someone who's asking for a fight and here I've got an internal conflict. At least it ended off with the both of us feeling quite bad (someone commented later on that 2 Bads makes 1 Good) so we are back to square one. Later on Zin talked to me face to face later and it was really inspiring. I've got a lot to learn from him and everyone at TGIF.

Then came the down pour and that's the worst part cause I'm trapped in Heeren!! Made me so damn tired on the MRT that I kept falling asleep standing. My knee kept giving way so I look like some lame guy whose gonna fall any moment. I'm thankful that I got home on time to play ball! Oh and without the cops coming to catch me! I guess I shouldn't really feel lucky tomorrow's the last day of work before I finally get a day off.. cause in return I'll miss my junior's xuan ba

Gonna sleep early today~

A sorrow no one can understand nor share..

I am kehpoh happy?

I felt damn stupid just now. I've been trying my best to stop noticing dangers and stuff but it just failed all in an instant when i saved this little girl from getting crushed by the lift door. The door detector seemed to fail cause she's too short and she was totally oblivious of the whole thing. So what happened was she was being playful and she stood right in the path of the lift door and it started closing on her. I was damn sleepy and didn't really notice until like when it was about to hit her. At first I tried to tap the door detector but the door siao siao one never stop so I had to drag the freaking door to a stop. I was really damn damn tired after that cause I worked the whole day with flu and I had to do this. Worst part of this is that the mother didn't even bother to say anything to me.. she just kept scolding her bewildered daughter.

Can't believe what would have happened if I wasn't a kehpoh.. at least show some gratitude right? It sucks that I was back to my old self so soon. I felt so shit about doing this for someone like that.

Oh last thing before I go off for ball, I lost my damned phone today at TGI Fridays. I think it slipped off but when I tried calling it it was off >.> yea yea I know someone may have stolen it but that guy must be a tard (might as well take my money as well right) to steal such a noob phone. Oh coming to think of it, my reminder this morning goes: The ****** and ******* at Fridays sux.. GG Oh Oh and someone was nice enough to lend me her phone to make so many phone calls :)

A sorrow no one can understand nor share..

Thoughts and more thoughts

Sometimes I dunno if I do things because I really care or I'm afraid. Its like parents caring for their kids. Some parents care cause they really care but some care cause when their kids are fine they're at peace. I think I am afraid.

Just days ago, I barely saved a friend my getting knocked down by a bus and it set me into thinking why did I do it. It was just that moment when my reflexes kicked in and my arm went forward to drag him back from the road. He said he won't have died anyway and that was what made me think. I can't really remember when I started to be so concerned over lives around me but I'm quite sure it was in secondary school. Whenever I go to foreign countries my senses tell me to not trust anyone and watch out for any dangers at all times. In the end I don't really get to have much fun. I remember I was always the one who alert people of cars and sometimes drag them away from that split sec of danger. People don't really think that's a big deal but I continued to do it. That's when I started to think why did I really have to protect lives. When I saw the guy wanting to commit suicide I could have left him alone to die. Why was I such a busybody to go fight him and risk getting killed myself? Its not exactly a protective instinct from me but its not exactly fear. I guess it may be a mixture of both?

Had a really boring day on my off day gyming and playing a game at night. You can't really call it a game if I was to judge it cause there was some sort of show going on.. quite lame to talk about it. I find my friends really fun to hang out with but when they use me to see a show it gets quite annoying. The annoyance level isn't up to the level of getting pissed but its won't do anyone good in the end.. esp when it involves a third party. I think I made myself very clear but its up to them to interpret how far am I gonna play along. I'd love to have a bit of fun and probably watch some "shows" but I sincerely don't wish to hurt people (even if in the end I get hurt).. just in case and in any case I don't really care. Jokes are okay but please don't cross the line.

Gotta sleep soon, have gotta work tomorrow..

A sorrow no one can understand nor share..