ooohh,its' rainbow fish!! ;x

Filled to the brim with negativity (maybe not so negative afterall)

Its been a while since I last felt such strong negative energy in me. I seriously don't understand myself at all. Sometimes I question myself whether I've been putting up a false front all the time too but I know that there are times when I am truly happy. Now I feel so empty without all the wushu and rugby trainings, all that is left is just CSM and I seriously hope I don't screw up.

The season has gone.. just like that. Looking back, I think I could have done more and there are numerous possibilities if I had chose to do certain things differently.. like quitting wushu (which is highly unlikely), not going overseas etc. I am quite sure I'd have done better. Although I managed to inject fear in my opponents and taught them a hard lesson but then again I could have contributed much more if I didn't take up two CCAs. I am proud as a wushuer cause we are Champs and we seriously fought very hard this year.. 1 point difference >.< As the first guy to compete for my school, I am glad I didn't disappoint my coach and teammates and created a good start but whenever I think of how I could have competed in at least 2 more categories (maybe extending our lead by winning more medals) I start to blame myself for taking up two CCAs. For the wushu team, its pride gained from getting our long lost champs trophy but for me its just mere disappointment in myself.

Many people may envy me for handling two CCAs so well but if you look at it closely.. I didn't really do a good job managing them. I missed 1 wushu training and 1 rugby training every week this year and I stretched my body to its max through several double/triple trainings per day. It may sound zai or even cool but it did no good to my body. As the chinese saying goes: 休息是为了走更长远的路 I totally burned myself out every week this year and in the process I wasted part of my studies. My dad was right, at the end of the day what matters is the number of As you get because you can't feed on your medals and trophies. It sounds materialistic yet so true.

I must say that both CCAs have crafted me into a very different person since sec school. I became much fitter after joining wushu; it implanted the fighting spirit in me and it also taught me that I had to strive for the things I wanted. "Special thanks to Li Jiao Lian who gave me a chance to compete in nationals despite niaoing me non-stop for ponning training" Well on the other hand, rugby was something that exposed me to different people and I learnt how to work together with them. It was also a cca that made me gain 10kg of mass and forced me to be aggressive. Although most people who take up 2 ccas will choose 1 sport and 1 recreational based but there is bound to be something to be learnt from all CCAs and I won't ever regret taking up two sports ccas.

I felt rather week when I ran to KAP and back today, don't know whether its the flu that killed my stamina or what but the point is everyone please take care.. getting (swine o.o) flu is not a joking matter! I feel damn stressed when I look at my calender for May, its packed with tests and stuff so I guess I'll dao my birthday. Talking about birthdays, I still owe a friend his present.. haiz I'll try to pass it to him next week I promise haha.

Interestingly, I ended off with a happy tone.. "wonders why"

A sorrow no one can understand nor share..