ooohh,its' rainbow fish!! ;x

The last time I post before A lvls

I've been trying to log in to this acct for super long but I forgot my gmail pass. There is just so much I wished to blog about over the past few months cause everytime I see something really thought provoking I'd like to express it out here.

I realised that I am really a very emotive person, who gets really affected by the tiniest thing. I was returning home after bball one night and I saw this old aunty who manages a fruit stall near my house. I used to visit her every morning last time when I was in primary 4 with my mom and I always played around that area of the wet market. She has grown much older and there is this blank look on her face when she saw me. All of a sudden, my emotions gushed out as I felt extremely sympathetic towards her cause her life is really hard and I felt that I should help her in some way. Its really weird for me to feel so because apparently we were nothing more than mere strangers and it soon dawned upon me that I was just a tiny being in this world who is trapped in my own struggles. I couldn't even control my own destiny let alone help another person. After all, everyone will ultimately live their own lives and they will only have the capacity to resolve their own problems so who am I to stand out and say that I can improve another person's life? With all these conflicts in me, I really needed someone to share my feelings with at that moment but I realised that there was no one in my friend list who would be as foolish as me to develop such thoughts. I'd be mocked..

The second emotional roller coaster I had happened when I studied alone in school till around 10 plus alone. That day was quite a weird one as it was the end of all the major papers for PCME students (except chem and the MCQs) so the buddies in my study group left early. I had a totally different experience that night without company. I took a short walk around the school and it was almost empty except a few couples doing their own stuff in a corner. During that walk I thought about how soon it'll be that I'll graduate and leave this place where I spent my 6 years in. It made me reflect deeply upon every happenings since sec1. I really did come very far, and all my failures and accomplishments belong to this place. Although I was merely an insignificant part of this school but it was definitely the most significant thing in my life. That's when I told myself that I'd never forget this place.. and the memories I share with it.

If you are (who happened to visit this dusty place) free then you should check this out. Its really touching.

I felt the title 好一对"狗男女" (sorry if you don't understand Chinese) was really what made this video so very special. Even animals are capable of showing the purest feelings towards each other that some people obviously lack. Its so ironic how many so called 狗男女 (teens in fact) are just wasting their time away flirting and doing those obscene stuff when their ulterior motive is just for pleasure. Well I'm definitely not the best person to make such a comment because I may not understand the feelings of love as well as some of my peers because I've never been in a relationship with an opposite sex. Wouldn't it be more rational to do something more meaningful at a young age?

This video is so touching to me because it makes me feel as if I lost a loved one. I think that when our parents finally leave us, there will never be anyone who can fill up the void in our souls that our parents once occupied. That's why it hurts to grow up..

Th unforgetable l0ve is dead...

xue3 shang4 jia1 shuang1

All of a sudden I am back into blogging. I just sprained my ankle from basketball again. Totally incoherent.. ahh whatever. I feel damn sian cause it seems that whenever I am injured there is no one there who really cares but whenever others are injured I am always the one who brings them the treatment. I know the people I know are not with me when I am injured but its just this sudden loneliness that makes me really sad.

Looks like I have no real friends too, except the few buddies whom I hang out or study with. I haven't really found someone that I share all my thoughts with.. with the closest being SS, who sometimes can be very annoying too!!

So I sat under my block for half an hour or so thinking why is my life turning out to be like this. Was I always putting up a tough front when I should be asking help? Well this time I didn't give the people playing with me a chance to help cause I knew all they could do was to show some words of concern.. nice enough but too bad it won't help. I seem to lack trust in others and I do like to take things into my own hands. If that's the reason why I am friendless (I seriously hope not), then I'll end up friendless forever.. sad! I sound rather immature here.

This sorta reminds me of another person who once told me he had no friends too, I tried to be friends with him but I don't think I'll ever want to get closer to him cause I can't really makes friends with anyone who doesn't return my kindness. I can't really stand people who are so called "zhong se qing you".. hate to confess but I may be feeling this way cause I've never been in a serious relationship so I'd never know how zhong se I'll become.

Err back to what happened after I sprained my leg. I got back home after i iced my ankle and my mom was the first to notice my sprained leg cause I was limping but the sad part came when she asked whether I needed a plaster! Don't know whether you should call that cute or ... =.= err I shouldn't badmouth my parents. So I carried out all the healing procedures myself and that's true for all other injuries I have sustained in the past.

Isn't it quite sad if you live life this way forever?

Th unforgetable l0ve is dead...

I bruised my lip yesterday playing bball and got two cuts on both of my hands. No wonder NBA people all wear mouth guard play. Well at least my front tooth didn't get knocked off. Well that isn't as dulan as what happened today. All thanks to Chester leow, who smacked my face while trying to block me. That game with him just got more violent and I started to get pissed. I think there still much to be learnt from the adults I was playing with yesterday, such as being less docile, like playing rugby like that.

Can't remember which of my friends told me that if I had a grudge over someone I should confront him personally, I am too lazy to do that cause I am not going to take a load of shit in my face against someone I don't like. Moreover you have to see who is this person in the context. First time I rant about someone on my blog, totally not my style.

Oh and guess what, I was nice enough to say bye to him after that and he merely ignore.. hate such people, if I was like 5 KG heavier than I am I don't think you'll be so arrogant infront of me. I think I'm going to follow the steps of cs, totally cool ttm. I wonder why have I become so unforgiving.. cause I'm tired of being nice.. not like I am very nice in the first place -.- Whatever lar, so stupid ranting over someone in school.

As for tests.. I screwed blocks.. so.. I'm gonna drop a few things on hand so I can mug properly and one of them is definitely gonna be basketball.

Th unforgetable l0ve is dead...

Medical screening

I don't think anyone visits this anymore haha. Just felt like I should post something :X

I went for medical screening yesterday and I got Pes D!!!! :( Everything was like A A A A ... until they discovered my ECG was abnormal (the one where they put something to suck on your chest) and I downgraded to D. For those who don't know, an abnormal ECG basically means my heart beat is weird. Now I've got to go scan my heart on September, sian to the max lar! I guess I'll either end of pes A or C now le ._. dulan ttm

On top of that, my fat % was 21! Thats like a bit lower than chester only, haiz cannot suan him anymore. I suspect that guy told me someone else's fat percentage though xP!! This means I have to run more but then arh.. many of my friends told me that I may drop dead when doing sports.. sian!

Life is damn troublesome lar!!

Th unforgetable l0ve is dead...

I wish I can protect people I care from death..

My dad told me one of my aunt died of cancer today. Damn sad, we met before like 3 years ago and its like suddenly the person that catalysed my creation has left the world. She was my parents' so called mei2 ren2 and we probably had less than an hour long of convo with each other.

Didn't know I valued life so much, god bless her! =)

Feeling kinda weak recently, been doing quite a bit of workout recently and I totally got owned after today's sprint resistant runs during bball. Maybe I should recover fully before I attempt these. My mom's constant nagging on how to take good care of my health etc has always made me damn sian but it does sound more important now that one of my "kins" have passed away.

All these talks about death, which afterall will greet everyone of us everyday, isn't that scary anymore amidst the A lvls stress cause if I die now won't I be freed from all the stress?! Hahaha craziness!

Th unforgetable l0ve is dead...

IQ test ^^

Took this IQ test.. go try go try!!!

heh I didn't cheat okay :P

Th unforgetable l0ve is dead...

Filled to the brim with negativity (maybe not so negative afterall)

Its been a while since I last felt such strong negative energy in me. I seriously don't understand myself at all. Sometimes I question myself whether I've been putting up a false front all the time too but I know that there are times when I am truly happy. Now I feel so empty without all the wushu and rugby trainings, all that is left is just CSM and I seriously hope I don't screw up.

The season has gone.. just like that. Looking back, I think I could have done more and there are numerous possibilities if I had chose to do certain things differently.. like quitting wushu (which is highly unlikely), not going overseas etc. I am quite sure I'd have done better. Although I managed to inject fear in my opponents and taught them a hard lesson but then again I could have contributed much more if I didn't take up two CCAs. I am proud as a wushuer cause we are Champs and we seriously fought very hard this year.. 1 point difference >.< As the first guy to compete for my school, I am glad I didn't disappoint my coach and teammates and created a good start but whenever I think of how I could have competed in at least 2 more categories (maybe extending our lead by winning more medals) I start to blame myself for taking up two CCAs. For the wushu team, its pride gained from getting our long lost champs trophy but for me its just mere disappointment in myself.

Many people may envy me for handling two CCAs so well but if you look at it closely.. I didn't really do a good job managing them. I missed 1 wushu training and 1 rugby training every week this year and I stretched my body to its max through several double/triple trainings per day. It may sound zai or even cool but it did no good to my body. As the chinese saying goes: 休息是为了走更长远的路 I totally burned myself out every week this year and in the process I wasted part of my studies. My dad was right, at the end of the day what matters is the number of As you get because you can't feed on your medals and trophies. It sounds materialistic yet so true.

I must say that both CCAs have crafted me into a very different person since sec school. I became much fitter after joining wushu; it implanted the fighting spirit in me and it also taught me that I had to strive for the things I wanted. "Special thanks to Li Jiao Lian who gave me a chance to compete in nationals despite niaoing me non-stop for ponning training" Well on the other hand, rugby was something that exposed me to different people and I learnt how to work together with them. It was also a cca that made me gain 10kg of mass and forced me to be aggressive. Although most people who take up 2 ccas will choose 1 sport and 1 recreational based but there is bound to be something to be learnt from all CCAs and I won't ever regret taking up two sports ccas.

I felt rather week when I ran to KAP and back today, don't know whether its the flu that killed my stamina or what but the point is everyone please take care.. getting (swine o.o) flu is not a joking matter! I feel damn stressed when I look at my calender for May, its packed with tests and stuff so I guess I'll dao my birthday. Talking about birthdays, I still owe a friend his present.. haiz I'll try to pass it to him next week I promise haha.

Interestingly, I ended off with a happy tone.. "wonders why"

Th unforgetable l0ve is dead...